One day on my own in the new townhouse. Lots of space. The business pages of the newspaper says that house prices are falling and the house affordability index is rising.
The alarm goes off when I don't want it to; the automatic lights stay on when I want them to go off; I cannot figure out the digitial Swedish washing machine; the sleek Italian fridge emits sounds that tell me I've left the door open too long; and I stare at the groovy, German dishwasher whilst I hand wash the dishes. I can work the trendy Australian gas stove but it requires lots of cleaning to keep it looking beautiful. And the polished hardwood floors mean that all shoes must be left at the door.
We bought a package of beautiful living. None of it is very green. No rain water tank; no recycling; no solar energy; everything airconditioned. I sat outside on the balcony this morning in the rain having breakfast in protest at the lack of green technology.
Why not green and beautiful?
I've suddenly realised that living in the high tech apartment/townhouse is living under the law of the aesthetic----the beautiful. We have aesthetized our private lives----everything must look beautiful including ourselves. It is designer living. All that is old and tacky has to go------to the holiday house in Victor Harbor. Nothing can get dirty. Nothing can be left lying around in the of so compact townhouse. The aesthetic even rules our play. Are we not fully human only when we play?
Ye gods. What have we got ourselves into? Romantic excess? Where is the dream of the living the beautiful life going to led?
We have a designer home with an outrageous mortagage and the stress of keeping up the payments. We cannot afford to live the beautiful life----we are staring to drink and clean obssessively. Will our relationship break down? Will we crash the car? Will our immunne system be break down because we are so stressed out from tying to incorporate the beautiful into our lives. Will the place be repossessed because of the tyranny of the aesthetic?
If we sold now we would end up owing lots of money! It is a trap. And I've been here before. The wheel just goes round.